Treat Writing as a Friend
Are you friendly toward your writing? or do you give it, and yourself, a hard time?
It’s always better to see your writing as a friend rather than a foe, but it’s surprising how often writers can slip into a combative or victimized stance toward their work, as if the project is a looming tyrant we feel compelled to rebel against.
Nothing is further from the truth, but such positioning—even if it’s just occasional—probably points to a truth. Unconsciously, we tend to treat our writing as we treat ourselves. Our writing often represents our most vulnerable self—the one we want to tend, but also the one we may inadvertently sabotage.
We are always in relationship with our writing. Sometimes it feels like a parent-child dynamic, in which we’re constantly switching positions. Other times it feels like we’re best buds prone to giggling fits. It can also feel like a heady, lusty affair, though that’s usually fleeting. Too often it feels like a stalled-out marriage.
Joseph Campbell described marriage as being an “ordeal,” in the heroic sense, because it asks us to contend with the great force of “the other,” who, ultimately, is a mirror for the self. Writing is such a mirror, so it will feel like an ordeal as well.
One bit of relationship counseling advice says: Don’t go to bed angry. That applies to writing too. Know that you will get up in the morning and face it again with courage, with an open heart. Also: Keep your promises, say sorry when necessary, and love, honor, and cherish all the ways writing helps you grow.
Writing can be a loyal friend in times of emotional distress or elation. Journaling, poetry, or a channeled character can hold inner energy that otherwise overwhelms.
Occasionally, it can seem like a betraying friend when it doesn’t manage to open the doors we’re desperately knocking on in the hopes of opportunity and success. But with good friends, we forgive quickly. We make an effort to form new common ground.
As in all relationships, with writing we won’t get all we want all the time, but most of the time we do get what we need. Steady companionship, second chances, soul-satisfying creation, and the flow of love when we allow it.
Cherish your writing as you would a valuable friend, one you’ve known a long time who always forgives you for your foibles, one you know it’s not in your best interest to neglect for too long. Imagine your writing as the friend—or lover—you can’t wait to spend time with, the one with whom you especially want to set up a rendezvous. In fact, why not make a date right now?…
Make time for , enjoy it, and accepts its challenges as tender nudges to help you grow.
Write friendly,
P.S. Taking a holiday with a friend can be fun. Ever thought of taking your “friend” to a writing retreat? Around this time next year, September 2024, I’m planning a five day/six night retreat on Salt Spring Island, in BC (not far from Vancouver, Victoria, and Seattle). Email me directly—just hit reply—if this piques your interest and you want to be one of the first to find out the details.
Nobody sees a flower - really - it is so small it takes time - we haven't time - and to see takes time, like to have a friend takes time.
–Georgia O’Keeffe
The language of Friendship is not words, but meanings.
–Henry David Thoreau
Time that withers you will wither me. We will fall like ripe fruit and roll down the grass together. Dear friend, let me lie beside you watching the clouds until the earth covers us and we are gone.
–Jeanette Winterson
The world is so empty if one thinks only of mountains, rivers & cities; but to know someone who thinks & feels with us, & who, though distant, is close to us in spirit, this makes the earth for us an inhabited garden.
–Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
Real friendship or love is not manufactured or achieved by an act of will or intention. Friendship is always an act of recognition.
–John O’Donohue
The glory of friendship is not in the outstretched hand, nor the kindly smile, nor the joy of companionship; it is in the spiritual inspiration that comes to one when he discovers that someone else believes in him and is willing to trust him.
Ralph Waldo Emerson